What They Mean When They Say …

Do you ever wonder about all the jargon and cliches you hear on TV news, especially the 24-hour cable news channels? They all say the same thing. So, here’s a crib sheet to what they really mean:

“We’re working harder for you” – Our marketing department couldn’t think of anything more original.

“Happening Now” – We have live helicopter shots of a car chase, most likely in southern California. Coverage trademarked by Fox News.

“Our analysis” – We’re paraphrasing something from The New York Times.

“Live” – Scheduled photo-op media event, and we are really not sure what’s happening.

“Iran Desk” – We’ve got something monitoring Twitter.

“These facts are not verified” – We have no idea what’s going on so we’re reporting posts on Twitter.

“We’re watching these stories” – The interns in the newsroom are waiting for the next wire service update or checking Twitter.

“Our chief international correspondent” – The reporter went to Aruba on his or her honeymoon.

“Starts right now” – Sounded cool when the competitor said it so we are, too.

“Sources tell us” – We’re making this up, based on rumor or something from Twitter.

“Angelina Jolie Honors Refugees” – We’re going to recycle this story 37 times over the next two days so brace yourself.

“Looking for answers to (fill-in some issue)” – We have no real reporters out on the streets so our interns are making calls for a celebrity reporter’s special report.

“Breaking News”: Please don’t change the channel while we figure out what’s going on. (with thanks to Jim Parsons).

Okay … no more. It was too painful just to watch TV news for an hour to hear those phrases.